I'm still alive...

I'm about to give up on internet here, it is just not easy to access and a bit unreliable when you do. So I apologize if I don't respond to your emails, but I love reading them. There just isn't much time to respond to all of the wonderful thoughts and comments, but they really help me here.

I'm having a hard time. I'm homesick and just getting tired of things here. Everyone who talks to you, who you think is being friendly, is just after money. Even the children. They see a white person and they think that is an invitation to run up to you, follow you, talk to you, and ask you for money. It is just getting upsetting and old. I've gotten to the point what I just hate talking to people because you feel you can't trust them even to have a conversation. And they are always men, which is just intimidating.

Good news is that I've been some pretty great places in that past week, but I'm still getting very ready to come home. Makes me wish I had only done the 3 weeks of the original program instead of extending my time to 5. Three more weeks here is daunting and a bit upseting. Hoping that things improve, but I'm just done with being in this program. My placement is frusterating, as I feel I just do everything wrong and that even what I do isn't very helpful to anyone. We are supposed to finally go on home visits this week, which I hope are as interesting and helpful as they sound. Otherwise I am just losing hope. I guess it is just part of the experience, but I'm just not sure how to make things better.

Enough of the pity though, I'm sorry. As far as cool things, we went to Moshi on Wednesday for the day which was really fun. We went to a batik factory and I got some really incredible batiks made. I'm very excited about that - they are just stunning. It was cool to see and learn about how they are made. Then we went on a hike to this waterfall, which was absolutely gorgeous. The hike down was scary and I slipped and fell once, but it was worth it. I have pictures for sure, but the interenet is too slow and cuts out too much to post them. When I get home I will post many for sure. We also saw a baobab tree (like in The Little Prince)- it was HUGE!! Pictures of that too - it must be thousands of years old. Crazy. We also checked out some traditional Chagga houses (the local tribe here) and were supposed to see some caves but the men who run it had a death in the family. The drive there and back (about an hour each way) was just insane - we were in a huge bus that had like no shocks at all. Then we drove in that bus on roads that no car should drive, let alone a huge packed bus. So glad we made it home - very scary, but such is driving here no matter the conditions. People are crazy and road signs are practically non-existant. Allegedly the highway here goes from Cairo to Cape Town and is the most dangerous highway in the world. Fun stuff. The greatest part was on the way home the clouds cleared and we finally saw Mt. Kilimanjaro. Very special - it does not appear often. It still has icecaps on it, but not many. It was gorgeous.

Then Thursday, instead of going to my placement, I went with some of the other volunteers who teach at a secondary school to help do a sexual health class. It was a great experience. When we first went, the volunteers usually placed there did some regular lessons and went over homework, so Christina (another volunteer helping out that day) and I went to check out the student art they have for sale there right now. And I was awestruck. I was not prepared for the incredible talent of these students - their paintings are better than some I've seen in galleries. Or at the least of that caliber. And a teacher there came into the small room covered with the paintings and explained some of their meanings. Very deep. They are all for sale and I'm trying to get some pictures (yeah right) if I can incase anyone reading this is interested. They are spectacular.

Then we split the girls and boys (after some of the boys rapped and sang for us - that was exciting) and taught just basic adolescence info and some safe sex (mostly HIV prevention and respect related topics) then answered questions. It was very interesting trying to convey even simple ideas because of the language barrier. Even though they are learning english, they do not know some of the words and we didn't have a translator. It was quite the challenge but I feel we got at least some of the information across. It felt more helpful than anything else I have done here, so that is the good news. It was a great opportunity for sure.

Then Friday we had a special trip that we set up, leaving placement early to get there in time. We met up at a place called MMM - Medical Mercenaries for Mary - and went with a sister there on her rounds. It was the craziest thing I have done here. We had a dala dala van packed with all of us, and started driving on these insane non-roads. This organization caters to the HIV positive population, as well as other sick people, focusing a lot on holistic medicine and other supportive methods other than just popping pills. She focuses a lot on the Maasai population, the local tribes who practice polygamy and who are being infiltrated by AIDS, leaving many wives and children when the man dies. We stopped at one woman's home and prayed with her, then another that was a hut type home with a thick straw roof and walls made of dung and mud. It was soooo smokey in there cuz they burn fires inside the house and bring the cows, donkeys and goats into the house at night. Such a different way of life. Then we drove further, on the dustiest road I have ever seen. There was more dust than air in the van, I swear. Luckily I had a bandana to tie around my face, but people were using anything they had to cope. And there are potholes the size of small graves and gaping crevices - no idea how we didn't tip over or have to push at some point - it was indescribable.

Finally the van could go no further, so we started walking to visit homes and went the 3 more places, the last of which were 6 women, all recently widowed by the same man, and many many children. I'm not sure the kids had ever seen "mzungus" before (white people) and were scared of us at first. The women were very welcoming, and told the children we were ok, so they shook our hands and marveled at our skin. We took some incredible pictures with them that I think are my favorites so far. It was just incredible to have such a first hand encounter with life so different from our own. One girl was a new wife, only 14 years old I think. They were mostly fabric pieces and children walk around with babies on their backs and machetes in their hands, collecting corn staulks. Just so different from anything we are used to or ever experience. I think it was my favorite thing we have done so far. We somehow made it back alive on those roads and I immediately ran to wash off the dust.

Now just a lazy weekend, new arrivals which is fun. Only 3 minutes left, so I'll go. Hoping my mental state improves, send me good vibes please so I have the strength to do better. Love you!